the mad hatter

each time you would start your turn instead
choose a non-combat turn phase. then continue
your turn normally but do the chosen turn phase
twice.
whenever you do a turn phase for the second
time in a row put a colorless tea artifact token
onto the battlefield with "sacrifice this artifact:
you gain 2 health."
The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this;
but all he said was "Why is a raven like a
writing-desk?"