Makeshift Surgeon

Haste
{b/r}, {t}, Exile a card from a graveyard: Pirates you control get +2/+0 until the end of turn if a creature card is exiled this way. Othetwise, they get +0/+2 until the end of turn instead.
" -This one joined the crew days ago. Yet we struggle to discern the growl from the grunt, my captain!"