Chris The Hammer W. HoopAss

Vigilance, Indestructible
{x}{r},{t}: Open a can of Whoop-Ass, Dealing X
damage to any target. If only {r}was spent to cast
this spell and X is 5 or more, a can of Whoop-Ass
deals {x} damage to each of any number of targets instead.
"These fresh Nike's have decreed - that on this day,
you're about to experience a fully open can of
WHOOP ASS"