Blitzø's phone

If opponent's commander were to deal damage
to you, sacrifice this artifact, increase it's price
by {1}, place it in your deck then shuffle and
negate damage dealt by the commander
OR
Throw it at your enemy's forehead, sacrifice this
artifact, increase it's price
by {1} and place it in your deck then shuffle

"Stolas, I don't want to hear how horny you are
right now"